Text Game: When to go for the date
Let’s deal with the ‘when’ first and in a later blog we’ll deal with ‘how’.
Just like interactions during real life the timing of when you ‘escalate’ is important. Imagine you’ve just locked into set in a bar. How weird would it be for the first thing you say to be asking the girl out on the date? She hasn’t done anything yet to prove her value to you, except from being relatively attractive. And, trust me, there are a lot of relatively attractive girls out there. Asking for a date at this stage lowers your value, and is an over investment. Similarly the first text you send (unless you’ve already escalated sufficiently during the initial interaction) won’t go right in for the date.
But do you know what also kills a set? Not escalating in time. If you sit there talking pleasantly to a girl without at any stage upping your kino, going for a close or just talking more sexually you’re going to be friend zoned. The same goes for texts. Whilst you probably don’t want to go for the date straight away, you’ve got to at some stage, or she will stop replying. Why? Because she doesn’t know where the interaction is going, and whilst she may welcome you as a friend into her life, people will generally invest much more in romantic rather than platonic connections.
So when is the right time to go for the date?
Ø Look at the regularity of texts: with my girlfriends I won’t worry about leaving it a while until I get back to them (they’re not going anywhere right?) but I will respond with lightening speed if I want to hook up with someone or close a business deal. So if you’re phone is exploding with texts that’s a good sign. Obviously not all people are the same though- so if she is ‘playing it cool’ don’t write her off just keep the texts going until you get a different positive sign.
Ø Is she trying to escalate by making sexual references? Counter intuitively it is often the less direct sexual references that are the most important. If she’s putting loads of J, kisses and calling you affectionate names (like babe, honey or anything else a little sickening!) you may be teetering on the friend zone. Yep unless she is just on a sexual rampage (is she like me?) then girls will often be a little bit more coy with guys they’re really into. Too much affection early on suggests that she is very comfortable with you and may not see you as a sexual threat. If the possibility for sex is there she’ll reference it but in a much more subtle way. If sex is a possibility she won’t want to over commit herself by making it explicit that it’s going to happen. Instead she’s more likely to sexually qualify herself to you. This could be:
1. By drawing attention to her physical fitness/ prowess: Any continual references to how she is a gym bunny, just getting into running or has always done yoga because she is flexible could well mean, ‘I’m physically fit and great in bed’. Simple as that.
2. By drawing attention to how she is becoming more attractive: This could be anything from telling you about a new pair of heels/ manicure she has got (she expects you to be excited and aroused at the prospect of her wearing them).
3. By telling you she isn’t ‘sexy’ things that qualify herself as a girlfriend to you: Like that she’s a great cook/ loves dancing/ loves football. These things are all seeking your approval and implying that she’d be a great person to have in your life.
Ø Has there been a change in her texting habits?: If she has suddenly started replying a lot faster, more frequently, or has initiated a text conversation with you it implies that she could be beginning to see you as a target. If I had a pound for every time the main guy I was interested in dropped off the radar, and I tried to start up a replacement relationship with another guy, I’d be a rich woman. A change in her texting habits could well mean that there has been a change in her personal logistics: she may have broken up with a boyfriend, decided to move on from another man she was interested in, or just decided life’s too short and that she wants to have some fun!
These signals that I’ve spoken about aren’t a hard and fast rule that now is a good time to go for a date: but they are a decent guideline for when is a good time to try.
Until soon,
Text Gamer, Seducer, Conversationalist, Kisser,
Hayley Quinn X
4 Comments to “Text Game: When to go for the date”
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Adam says:
Hi Hayley, great article. This is actually somehing I’ve been struggling with. I think a lot of the time I ask girls out too fast, then they stop texting me completely. When I’ve tried to be a little more cautious I’ve also had girls tell me that I “wasn’t aggressive enough”. So the idea is just to look out for her trying to impress me and texting me a lot?
Hayley Quinn says:
I wish it was quite that straight forward: I don’t think there are set rules for this, only guidelines. Firstly you need to think of the circumstances in which you got the number: did she seem very keen and was there already a plan to meet, or did she seem a little colder and more hesitant? If it wasn’t a very solid number close then you can use texting to build rapport with her and when you get these good signs (increased frequency, length, her asking about you, initiating texting, her trying to impress you) then this is a great indicator to go for the date. Moving fast and maintaining momentum is also really important. Good luck X
Marv says:
Real brain power on display. Thanks for that asenwr!
Lettice says:
I had no idea how to apporcah this before-now I’m locked and loaded.