How to Reveal a Secret Negative as a Pro-Active Positive
So many times we may start dating someone and feel like we’re not being entirely honest with them.
What are you hiding on your first date? Is it that you have a child, mental health problem or a thing for cross dressing?
As you’re reading through that list of ‘things you coudl be hiding’ I hope that you’re thinking exactly what I’m thinking: those aren’t things to be ashamed of: instead they can suggest really positive attributes to your personality.
> If you’re a single parent then you’ve demonstrated how loving, determined and amazing you can be. Any date worth their salt will see great parenting skills as a positive quality for a person to have. Even if they don’t want children, they should see that these qualities will make you a fantastic partner as well as a parent.
> If you’re struggling with physical or mental ill health (and still dating successfully!) it shows that you area go-getter, taking positive action to improve your life, and that you are an inspiring person to be around.
> If you like cros dressing, or any other kind of kinky fun, then you’re independent, a free thinker and non-judgemental. People should find your adventurous spirit contagious.
Whenever I’ve revealed something about myself, that I worried people would react negatively to, I’ve been surprised by people’s positive reactions.
If you phrase something as a positive so often it will become one.
Let’s take the example of having a mental health condition, like depression, and how you could speak to your date or partner about it in a way that is constructive and positive.
1. Adjust your own mindset: A condition like depression, or a fetish like cross dressing (yes appreciate these things aren’t often compared in the same sentence) are both common, and a natural part of many people’s lives. It isn’t something to be ashamed of. So remember that everything that is integral to your life can be, and is, an amazing part of what makes you, you, so get proud of it.
2. Honesty is vital to relationships: We must be able to present openly even the ‘negative’ aspects of our lives. You need to know they love and accept you for who you are. This will help him to understand later on if you express your depression, or if they find you wanting to explore the wonders of stockings! Instead of acting in a way that is unexpected and destabilising to them, you’re then free to acknowledge why you’re behaving the way you are. This will help them to understand what is happening and not interpret themselves as being the cause of your change in mood because you have acknowledged your own limitations.
3. Be Positive and Proactive: Speaking with positivity about ‘negatives’ will greatly affect how our partners interpret our problems. For instance there’s a huge difference between the behaviour of someone who’s uncommunicative/ secrative about their problems and someone who is open and proactive:
“I just thought I’d let you know that I’ve been suffering from depression for some time now, but I am having therapy to work through it and you always make me smile”
Positive phrasing and taking action both suggest positive qualities about you; whilst the person your dating is aware of what you’re dealing with.
4. Inclusivity- Show how they contribute positively to your life: You also want to positively reinforce the times in that your partner makes you feel good and show them the other, well balanced, side to your disposition. By telling them how they positively help you to overcome your problems, or how happy you are to be with someone who accepts you, their understanding and compassion will be rewarded and the relationship will feel more secure.
So next time you’re bottling up a secret problem, or desire, that you’re desperate to share let your partner know what’s on your mind.
Just remember to keep it:
> Positive
> Pro-active
> Honest
> Inclusive
And a good partner to you will reward you by being understanding and open minded in return.
3 Comments to “How to Reveal a Secret Negative as a Pro-Active Positive”
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E says:
Phrasing things in a positive way can, and often does, put things in a different perspective.
But it greatly depends on who you’re talking to, if you are dealing with a person who is less emotional, and less “charmed” by words, let’s say an analytical mind, they’ll tend to analyze the situation as a whole.
They’ll see your point, and might even admire it, then if they are Jungian F’s ( let’s say), they might get into your emotional reality, since usually “feelers” are easier to influence, then you’ve won them over, maybe seduced, since an aura of sadness/perversion/mystery can be a little plus, and add some depth to a personality.
On the other hand if you’re talking to a person who tends to analyze things, they will see both the good and bad sides of the situation, and the result will be completely dependent on their personal experience, etc… At least they might be respectful and not judge you, but they also might escape from a situation that they know is not positive for them.
Now, if they’re already infatuated, nothing will happen, most likely they’ll fancy you even more, for the feelings of tenderness, or interest, or protection, might deepen the infatuation…
nothing’s predictable.
BTW I really enjoy reading your blog
take care
Hayley Quinn says:
You make some good points: however, in my experience I would say that the amount of people that fall to the far end of axis of personality types are relatively rare. Most people will encorporate a combination of characteristics. Relaters and Socialisers are definitely most likey to be empathetic; however directors and thinkers can be influenced too. I wouldn’t say that their predelicition for logic makes them immune but rather you’d have to adjust how you positively phrased things. For instance a director personality will respond better to you suggesting a course of action, a thinker will like to know the facts… but the principle is the same. You have to adjust how you say things dependent on each individual you’re dealing with: but setting out with a positive mindset and seeking to show the benefits to any situation will help how you, your life and any of your beliefs are transmitted into the world. Thanks for long comment anyway phew! Speak to you soon darling x
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