The problem is- I HATE most of the compliments men give. Not the ones I receive personally: but the ones, as a female dating coach, I hear guys use on other women. The kind of compliments that just don’t work.

Why? Because a compliment given the wrong way makes you seem weak, and makes the girl feel either:

* Awkward and uncomfortable.
* Arrogant and dismissive.

In fact giving a compliment the wrong way, is a key problem I see tons of guys, month in month out, tripping up on. Compliments can be direct and sexy: but they can also come across as weak and needy.

So how do you avoid the woman you approach feeling awkward or arrogant? How do you give a compliment that has the right effect? Where she thinks:

‘He totally gets me: I want to know more about him…’

Let’s tackle each problem one by one.

First of all why would a woman feel uncomfortable when you’re trying to be nice to her? Well, probably because she feels that you didn’t really mean what you said. This happens when you give a compliment that’s:

* Too generic
* Too centred on physical appearance.

Something like:

“I really like your eyes”

Will not make her gush… instead she’ll think you’re just into her for her ‘eyes’ (read *legs*), and that she’s heard it all before. Overcome this by making your compliment:

* Specific
* Make it personal by focusing on her behaviour/ personality if possible

“I really like the way you roll your eyes every time I pay you a compliment.”

“I like how you’ve done your eye shadow with those little dots: it’s very unusual.”

“I like how you’re still smiling despite the fact you’re on a late shift: you must be very well motivated.”

Now the things about paying a SPECIFIC and PERSONAL compliment- is that you shouldn’t pay them too often.

This brings us to problem two: over complimenting women will make them think that you are DESPERATE to win their affection, and will make them feel SUPERIOR to you, rather than just pleasantly flattered.

Think about it: if you have tons of something (money, time, girlfriends) you probably don’t value it that much.

Giving a girl compliment after compliment, enthusing endlessly about her life, nodding frantically and beaming just because she’s talking to you only says one thing:

“I am so happy that you’re taking the time to speak to me.”

She should be so lucky that she’s got a great guy like you flirting with her!

Avoid over praising her by cutting down on tons of meaningless compliments, and replacing with just one or two really personal compliments.

Two neat tricks to do this are:

* Compliment yourself at the same time you compliment her: and show how you relate to her as a person.

“It’s cool that you’re into fitness: one of my favourite things is waking up in the morning and going for a run, the colder outside the better!”

* Compliment her but express a sincere interest in her at the same time.

“It’s cool that you’re into fitness: so are you a yoga lover or one of those people that spends about an hour pounding on the treadmill?”

By RELATING yourself to her, you can find common ground, and show how you are a great match.

Be SINCERE by showing a genuine interest in her as a person.

So if you want to pay a compliment on February 14th (or any time you want to make her day) that makes her feel intrigued, not arrogant; attracted, not awkward, then keep it:

* SPECIFIC
* PERSONAL
* RELATABLE
* SINCERE

If you want to be the kind of guy that can relate to women, that can use conversation to create attraction, that wants to improve what kind of relationships you’re having then I can help. To ask me about dating or PUA advice drop me a line to my personal email address hq@hayley-quinn.com and we can talk through how you can improve your relationships with women…

What are they trying to tell you?

They’re busy? They don’t want to talk to you? That it’s better that you just give up now, and forget it?

When someone gives us a non-verbal cue that they don’t want to speak to us anymore it’s very easy to flick straight into panic mode.

Instead of noticing that a person isn’t responding well to what we’re doing, and adjusting our behaviour to tackle the situation; we often descend into straight out, collar sweating, panic.

You begin to fumble over your words, racing over every one, become overly apologetic: and do nothing to re-engage their interest. Instead you look like you deserve to be ignored, or not taken seriously.

You know what is a way easier way to deal with someone giving you a sign that they are disinterested in you?

Acknowledge it: verbalise it.

Calmly, confidently, state (with a friendly smile across your face) that you’ve noticed their non-verbal cue.

You’d think that this might come across as rude: but you will be AMAZED at how direct you can be when you preface whatever you say with an ‘I like’ or an ‘I love’.

“I love how you’re multi-tasking by checking your phone whilst you’re speaking to me.”

“I like how you’re itching to go so much that your feet are literally starting to shuffle in the other direction.”

By expressing a negative remark as a positive compliment it will allow you to deliver your challenge to the other person in a way that says, ‘I find your indifference to me kind of funny, so let’s cut to the chase because I’m a person that deserves your respect.’

Next week, I’ll be giving you a few tips on how you can take this one step further: by learning how to tailor your response to the kind of person you’re speaking to.

If you want to learn any more about how you can master the art of conversation for business, dating, or socialising then check out my Conversation Master Class

‘She’s… *insert complimentary word*’

Praising another woman (or God forbid your ex) in front of your current girlfriend is always a tricky one. And by tricky I mean, ‘likely to cause you physical harm’.

Physical compliments will nearly always get you a raised eyebrow; because they tap into our deepest insecurities as women that you’re more attracted to another person. Most of us kind of know that you may occasionally check out girls-in-tight-jeans in the street; and even google some choice xxx we may not approve of. But commenting on another woman’s appearance to our face will irk all but the most self assured girls.

In fact, even complimenting another woman’s personality may cause an ‘oh really?’ stare.

Now, I’m not trying to say that it’s ok for women to flip out at any compliment you may choose to give to another girl- but it is a reaction that’s worth knowing how to deal with:

Ground Zero: In the moment you see her giving you the *did you just say that?* look it’s worth trying to flip your compliment to another woman into a back handed compliment to her:

“Sally’s an awesome cook… too bad I only like girl’s who know how to burn my toast  just the way I like it!”

“She has really amazing legs… though I’ve always been a sucker for petite girls.”

Repositioning your comment to give her the attention, and validation, she craves will soothe her knee-jerk reaction. Keeping your tone teasing will also help to alter the tone of the conversation from ‘humph’ to ‘haha’.

After Care: Try to see your girlfriend’s grumble as an expression of her insecurities instead of an outright attack on you.

If she’s recently felt less confident in her appearance, or found out you had a past affair (or a very sexy ex) then cut her a little slack to express herself. Work to make her feel loved and sexy. Simple things like occasionally greeting her with a ‘hey gorgeous’ and bigger projects like encouraging her to do more activities independently of you – and hopefully building some self esteem in the process- should create a buffer of self assurance so that she won’t freak next time.

Future Prevention: In a 100% healthy relationship your girlfriend should really be cool with you complimenting another woman.

So early on in the dating phase if she ‘huffs’ about you praising another girl, then state to her clearly, “Babe, there’s no need to frown about me complimenting another woman- you should know by now I like you, and that I find how confident you are (most of the time) very sexy.”

It is ok for you to state what is acceptable behaviour, and what isn’t; but do it in a way that is also an expression of your intention towards her ie. that you’re into her so she doesn’t need to worry about you finding other women attractive.

This helps sets a precedent for the whole relationship that she should act in a self assured, ‘cool’ way when you compliment another woman: because it is her confidence as your girlfriend that you find most attractive.

Get this right- and you should be able to say the words ‘She’s very…’ without preparing ducking for cover straight afterwards!

If you want to learn more about how you can have better, happier, stronger relationships with your lady then check out http://www.hayley-quinn.com/private-consultation/

Speaking to strangers should really be simpler shouldn’t it?

Yet when we see someone that we really want to say ‘hello’ to, inspiration nearly always fails us, and we end up reverting back to terrible conversational habits.

Let me give you an example.

Imagine a time that you really wanted to speak to a stranger: it could be a cute girl at a bar, a prospective customer who’s walked into your shop, the person who you end up sitting next to every day on the bus… but never quite managing to speak to.

Even if you manage to squeeze out a ‘hello’ you know it’s going to be followed, rather boringly, by the world’s worst ice breaker question:

“How are you?”

It’s so safe, so utterly predictable, so uninspiring! A bit like sweat pants really.

And also completely impossible to answer! I defy ANYONE to think up a good, succinct response to such a question. I mean do you say the automated response of ‘fine thanks’ (which is both untrue, and offers the other person in the conversation no material to respond to) or do you burst into tears, sigh deeply, or scream with joy, and tell them the whole story of how you’re really feeling (including your life history, details of your tangled love life and financial woes in the process)?

Hmm tough one.

I actually think it’s way better to be a lot more specific than this and give someone something specific to respond to. My logic is if you make it easy for a person to respond to you, then you’ll get better responses from them.

Along with people who work for the Inland Revenue, and traffic wardens, I’m also very suspicious of questions generally. They make you feel a bit put on the spot-no?

“What do you think about the Olympics then?”

Ha! I thought that would catch you out! Questions are also hard to answer when you’re not ready for them. Maybe if you had ten minutes to think about it, the ‘How are you?’, would be easier to answer. When you’re speaking to strangers though you don’t have ten minutes: you have to make them feel comfortable in the moment.

We do this by making specific ice breaker statements.

This is a fine art but in my next blog I’ll be giving you a few initial tips on how to start stitching these together. In the mean time check out my conversation master class to learn how you can sharpen your conversation skills: and turn that pair of sweat pants into haute couture conversation.

You know that you should be touching her (because how else are you going to signal that a kiss is coming?) but aware that you don’t want to appear ‘creepy’ or do too much… or too little?

Then follow these 6 simple steps to sexy touch escalation.

These are the kind of touches you want to be progressing through incrementally in order to take your interactions from so-so to sexy.

Before I kick off though please bare these basic principles in mind:

> Real life isn’t a ‘system’: these touches are a guideline but cannot account for every interaction in real life.

> In fact the real key is calibration: some women will be more comfortable with being touched more quickly, others won’t. Night time during dates or when you’re in a club touches will happen more quickly than in the daytime etc.

> If at any stage the girl appears tense/ uncomfortable/ backs away you’re getting a NOT YET sign: so just drop the kino down to the level you were working at beforehand.

> keepn touches split-second brief to begin with, never look where you touch and stroke don’t poke in the movement

1. Name: Opening touch

Touch: Use the back of your hand on their arm/ shoulder

Reason: To get a person’s full attention.

2. Name: Emotional touch

Touch: These would also be to the forearm/ shoulder but you could apply slightly more pressure or you could linger the touch for a second or two. You may also interchange to using the front, not the back, of your hand.

Reason: Secondary touches are often used at an emotional point in the interaction ie. when you’re telling a story, teasing, saying something with an ! in it

3. Name: Teasing touch

Touch: Touches become a combination of light touches as in points 1 and 2; combined with gentle pushes to move the woman out of your proximity, and squeezes on shoulders backs of arms to pull the woman back towards you. These are relatively fast but playful and dominant. You’re moving in and out of her proximity (pushing her away in a teasing manner, pulling her close).

Reason: To move towards checking how comfortable she is with you in her personal space. This often accompanies teasing and challenging her.

4. Name: Proximity Touch

Touch: You want to guide her into you instead of you leaning in to her. You would do this by gently pulling at the back of her arm top of her shoulder or her forearm and guiding her into you.

You can use an observation as an excuse to do this ie,  ‘I wonder where that door goes’, ‘check out that couple… the guy is flirting with that girl’ etc

Reason: You want to check to see if she is comfortable with you talking into her ear ie. you want to see if she’s ok to get into the proximity necessary for you to kiss her.

5. Name: Leading Touch

Touch: You need a reason for you to be alone with her- this should be about you though, NOT her.

ie. ‘I’m thirsty let’s go to the bar’

Then lead her gently by the forearm or hand. If she is unwilling to go with you, then you want to back off and give her her space, when you reach your destination. If you’ve moved towards the bar for example finish by turning away from her to position yourself side on to her.

However if she seems warm and friendly and holds your hand/ lets herself be lead then you can lead her to a place that allows you to sit closely. Or in the bar scenario you can stand facing one another (this is very intimate).

Reason: After you’ve checked proximity (by whispering into her ear) you want to check compliance by moving her somewhere. Girls generally won’t want to kiss you if you’re surrounded by loads of people, so now you’re checking if she’s comfortabel being alone with you.

6. Name: Kissing Touches

Touch: If you are sat closely together then you would now talk continually into her ear and add in extra sexier touches like stroking to the small of her back/ stroking her inside arm/ wrists whilst gradually moving in for the kiss. If you are stood up you can add in extra light kino touches like touching her on the hips, on the sides (this is very intimate) or pulling her into you using one hand on her shoulder/ forearm.

You do this by moving slowly towards her (remember if f she backs away you would lean out again and give her space.)

Again you’d want to gradually increase proximity, tilt your head and look from her eyes to her lips to communicate that you want to kiss her.

Reason: To communicate that you want to kiss her. This shouldn’t be a surprise to a girl!

Hopefully if you use these six steps to sexy strokes as guidance you’ll get your touch abilities down, stop being the friend, and start being the guy girls want to kiss.

“Hayley, I’m only so jealous, because I love you,” he murmured, and repeated to infinity over the next day or two.

He had finally told me he loved me (sober) but I felt confused rather than wooed by it: a desire inside me wanted to be scratched, there was an animal instinct that didn’t want to be contained. Seeking permission to kiss the Elusive Asian, text flirt with the Bi-Babe dancer, or make the Girl Model my protégé, did not come naturally.

Over the next few days we stayed in and did uncharacteristically ‘romantic couple stuff’. He even huffed at the gym when he saw me flirting (my default way of speaking) with another guy. The change in him caught me blind sighted.  Sure I’d always been convinced that he was madly, passionately, deeply, in love with me… but I just wasn’t used to him showing it. And I wasn’t used to being controlled. And I wasn’t used to him being tamed.

Though when we are together I’ve never felt happier, calmer, more blissful.

We spent every night together, and I attempted ‘domestic’ things like cooking (I burnt escallops which are meant to be un-fuck-up-able) and made him a packed lunch (well I bought things from Waitrose for him).

My life can only mirror a Stepford Wives for so long though (I think approximately 5 days) before something deviant or disastrous strikes.

It had been many weeks since I had seen the Deviant; due to her friendship with Bateman disintegrating, and their mutual dislike growing. One sunny Friday night I popped down to London Bridge to see her though, have a glass of wine and set the world to rights. Sitting down in Borough market she lit a cigarette and we downed spritzers. Looking back I have no idea how Bateman even came up in conversation, or how it turned to his behaviour before we were official, but when the Deviant reminisced about the time we first met she dropped a bombshell. Looking at me with her magnetic blue eyes rolling she drawled:

“Obviously, I felt a bit strange when we first met knowing that Bateman was still seeing that other girl, but I knew you guys weren’t officish then”, she dragged on her cigarette.

In my mind I thought- ‘the escort? But I thought he broke up with her right at the start of when we began seeing each other?!’ to be honest, in my mind I’d corrected it to the day after we met he chucked her realising how wonderful I was… clearly not the case.

“Do you mean the escort he met?” I queried, sucking up my inner turmoil.

“I thought she was a Porn Star? Oh whatever, I do know he was dismayed when she dumped him though,” the Deviant smiled, reassuring I was far too good for him.

My stomach churned. So all that time… all those diary entries… Bateman was in fact seeing someone else. I thought there was no one else. I thought we didn’t get together ‘on principle’ not because there was ‘another woman’, especially not one like that.

My face burned, and I felt physically sick. Suddenly so many things made sense: the times he went AWOL, the times he seemed uncomfortable with me hanging around in his house, the jokes about the other women, the unexpected roses, his lack of commitment. All. The. Time. My image of him (which to be honest wasn’t a masterpiece anyway) shattered. I thought he loved me. I had been unbelievably stupid.

At that point Bateman rang, he had arrived to take me out for dinner. Striding up, looking impossibly handsome in a blue checked shirt (his initials sewn onto the breast) he scowled at the Deviant, who met his gaze with a scintillating assurance. The colour had gone entirely from my features. Two paces away I broke down, and the whole story came out. I whimpered about the conflicting time lines, gawped at the fact he had been dating her seriously, challenged him on who had dumped who, and sighed as the romance at the bottom of my feelings for him, the reason I had stuck with him for so long, came crashing down.

“To be honest I felt I could help her, I thought I might be a good influence on her life,” he insisted with a dignified tone, ignoring the fact he should have been helping me.

“You were always given priority; and I hope you understand now why I always kept you at arm’s length,” he said flatly, as if he had managed the situation correctly. Like everything was justified.

“I used to call her P-Star,” he smiled, “She was a novelty and nothing more.” I felt sickened by the affection.

“She didn’t dump me,” he snapped outraged, “I broke it off with her after she demanded that I leave the dating website.”Fantastic so the porn star was demanding the same things as me!

Inside the beast broke off the chain and I plunged into a despair I hadn’t known in many years. Not since when I was 18, as young as the Girl Model, new in London and naive to its ways. I was in love with a boy, and I believed the boy was in love with me too. Our relationship was in a grey area, and he went to Vegas and had an orgy with three female porn stars, ‘what man could turn that down?’ the words still rang in my ears.

In my heart I felt the man that was worthy of me could have turned that down. Especially as I was 18, it was my first year at university, my father and grandmother were critically ill, and I believed I’d met the man I was going to marry. That man was the DJ. The scar in my heart tore open and I was plunged into despair again.

People have busy lives full of competing demands from work, friends, family, and now you texting them.

If you’ve just got a girl’s number on the street you may not have built up enough rapport for her to want to organize her life to meet you. You may be low on her priority list, and competing against a doctor’s appointment, a work deadline, or a friend going through a break-up. Think carefully. Was there that spark of sexual energy when you got her number? Did you make physical contact with her on your initial meeting? Has she text you? In which case you can go in for a date.

If however:

• You got her number in a rush
• She seemed to hesitate before she gave it to you
• There was no sexual escalation, and you gave no strong indicators of attraction
• You are even 5% uncertain that she’d want to go on a date with you

Don’t ask her out on your first text! Especially don’t write:

“Hey Katy, what are you up to on Friday. Mat x”

This sucks because she doesn’t know what she’s signing up to! She has no idea what you want to do with her on Friday night, so she’ll give you a flaky commitment like:

“I may be free but I’m meant to be meeting my friend so will have to let you know x”

Which basically translates as:

“I’m not sure I know you that well. I think I’ll wait to see how I feel on Friday, what you come up with as a date and if I get any better offers.”

So if you can’t jump straight into asking them out, what do you send them as a first text?

Well, I’d start by showing some interest in her as a person and by referencing your original conversation: this will help to remind her how cool you were, and how much she enjoyed meeting you. Also drop in a detail of what you did after you met her.

This gives her loads of stuff for her to respond to. If she responds well then you can move onto the next step of text game…  For ideas of great sexy texts to send, enter your email into my newsletter box and I will give you 20 free sexy text ideas.

Also always remember to text quickly after you’ve got the number. A couple of hours after you met if it was during the day: and the next afternoon if you met at night.

Avoid texting at night (people get drunk and forgetful and you don’t want to appear like you were up all night thinking about her)

AND always keep your text ratio 1:1.

Hayley Quinn Xx

The Bi-Babe: Who needs little explanation except for ‘kapow!’; even the Promoter remarked on her uncommon, rippling, hotness.

The Girl Model: Who coincidentally has also kissed the Model, the Promoter, and nearly Bateman. The fact that we have exactly the same taste in men aside, she is a gazelle limbed, eighteen year old Russian sweetheart.

The Gymnast: Also Russian, a curious extract from a session of night club game. Intense in her passions, which now include being my bff, a blonde haired, twenty… you get the picture

Juggling my odds of what threesome would pan out we hit Movida again, but on much better terms. The Gymnast fought furiously to be the centre of our attention (though in a platonic way, I think, which is a new one on me) and became wildly jealous when the Bi-Babe sauntered up. Necking champagne other girls also joined us , falling onto our table, magnetised by the social cool we exuded.

‘Strip club!’ I cried and we piled into a cab. Daddy A and my brand manager from Superior Condoms nobly winging.

The phantasmagoria of London lights flew past, soon we were back in Sophisticats Strip Club, girls gyrating around us, the same club five month’s earlier the Bi-Babe and I had hit before falling into bed together and eating pizza.

The Girl Model and the Gymnast looked nervous. Daddy A and the SC manager flirted. Bateman and the Bi-Babe kissed. The lights were low.

‘House party!’ I cried, willing the threesome situation into existence.

SC disappeared, Daddy A took the Girl Model and the Gymnast into his room… I couldn’t see him closing this one like I knew I could.

‘Check out the stripper pole I’ve had put in my room,’ I whispered to the Bi-Babe in a thinly veiled strike at getting her back to my bedroom. I drunkenly swung around it. The Bi-Babe did the splits up against it. We were all on the bed. The she dragged me into the hall:

‘Babe! I can’t do this. I’m really horny, but I’m on my period!!’ She pouted.

Foiled I let her go and fell into Bateman’s arms and a disrupted sleep.

The Bi-Babe and I stayed in loose contact over the next few days, and Bateman and I stayed in. He also sent me several anxious emails:

These orgies are fun, but they shouldn’t become the main focus of our relationship. Think twenty million steps ahead Hayley; we can’t do this if we have a three month old to look after

Part of me was deeply wooed by the reference to procreation: I’ve never felt that instinctual desire so strongly as I have when I’m with Bateman. The other part of me obviously wanted a woman though… badly, and my hunger was increasing.

Confused, I leant on my stalwart confidante the DJ (who aside from probably being the love of my life, is also my best friend) we agreed that he would come to London the next week, and that I would sweeten the deal with some introductions to the Girl Model and the Gymnast.

Having the DJ in my room again saddened me slightly though, as he stood there with make up on and we hugged I felt a distance and a coldness… we weren’t lovers anymore and it was strange to feel the dullness of a platonic bond.

Hitting 141 (so my friend who was a promoter could make some money) with the above roll call plus two other girls I had met on a random night out, another gaming session. Soon we bounced to Bungalow 8. They played classic 90’s music and we drank G&T’s. Then the Bi-Babe called she wanted in, she wanted strip club. I went outside and walked her in, then watched her shimmy in tight leather leggings. To complete this ensemble piece of ex’s Bateman bowled up at midnight, drunk, but doe eyed and loving. The man who can be so cold is also capable of deep, passionate moments, intense stares and fits of passion that keep me addicted to him… as much as girls are addicted to me.

Seeing the DJ happily entertained with Girl Model and the Gymnast (both giggling over photos from his sold out St. Petersburg gigs), and knowing the Bi-babe was decidedly more into a strip club than me, I was wooed home early with Bateman.

As I stumbled out of the St. Martin’s Lane Hotel one of the two random girls followed me out: let’s call her the Young Smokey (based on eye shadow, Indian heritage and age natch). Tiny boned she wobbled up to me:

‘You can’t leave now… as you still haven’t kissed me.’

What? I didn’t even know her, had hardly flirted and was mystified by her advances, yet instinct ripped in as she leant into me for a kiss.

‘Please take me home with all three of you’ she said gazing at my ‘dream team’ of the Bi-Babe and Bateman.

I made my apologies and took two steps further towards the taxi.

‘Babe! I thought I was your number one?’ the Bi-babe pouted cutting me off in my tracks, ‘I want a kiss too’ she said skipping into my arms.

Equally bewildered Bateman and I sank into a cab back to his flat. He was stony faced.

‘If you ever kiss another girl in front of me, without my express permission, it’s over!’ He gritted, his voice stung with venom, and anguish….

I believe virtually everyone is cool, funny and interesting.

So how come some people are labelled as ‘geeks’ or ‘weird’, whilst other people always get to be ‘awesome’ and ‘popular’?

Well, that’s a massive question: and not one I can fully answer in this article, in fact it sounds more like a good premise for a thesis. What I can tell you, in around 500 words, though is that there are a few tweaks you can make today to your behaviour that will help you come across better. If you regularly get (wrongly) pigeon-holed as ‘a bit odd’ then I’d focus now, as these tips will help you.

1.       Make Eye Contact: It sounds like the most basic principle, but the fact is, lots of us find it difficult: it can be intimidating staring directly at someone, especially when we’re not sure what they think of us. However, this defensive behaviour is often counterproductive to you being interpreted how you want. You may seem secretive instead of shy; deranged and not defensive. So next time maintain eye gentle eye contact, and if you’re in a group, make sure you look at every member and don’t excessively focus on one person.

2.       Avoid Staring: Excessively focusing on one person, aka staring, can create a distinctly ‘stalkerish’ vibe. People tend to look where they want to be: so if you spend a long time gazing at one person, group, or pair of legs, you’ll come across in a slightly obsessive manner. Instead focus on what’s in front of you and having fun within the moment: if you see someone you want to approach, do just that. Don’t hesitate and don’t stare.

3.       Keep your Body Language Open: Sounds simple but what does open mean? It means trying to avoid crossing your arms in front of your body, or any other gesture that would obstruct the other person becoming closer to you. Keep drinks down by your side, and bags out of the way. Putting barriers between us and other people is one of the key ways that we suggest social discomfort. Ditch these blockades and you’ll appear instantly more confident.

4.       Be Still: Twitching, fidgeting, and fiddling all show that we’re self conscious of being observed. That’s not how you want to come across! You want to seem totally cool, calm and confident in your opinions. So relax! When you’re talking about your passions it’s fine to be expressive; but when the other person is speaking focus on remaining still, and don’t reveal your opinions of them too quickly.

5.       Keep Upright: Not only is good posture great for your physique, but the degree we lean in (or out) from interactions is quite telling. If you’re chatting to a girl in a noisy club don’t pander to her by leaning in, or crouching. Instead, project your voice more so it’s easier for her to hear, and encourage her to lean into you. Leaning back is also a typical ‘playboy’ technique to seem ‘alpha’ and ‘cool’. Most of the time this works just fine; but just don’t move back as you’re expressing something that you would like to come across as sincere. It will seem like you’re lying! If you don’t believe me try saying ‘Can you loan me a million bucks’ to a friend as you begin to lean backwards; it’ll appear like you’re trying to con them.. which of course you are!

Make these five tweaks to your body language and I promise your interactions are going to appear more sincere; in turn you’ll appear way cooler and  much greater success.

Lock these non-verbal gestures down and then you can start fine tuning what you’re actually saying; so that you can start having the interactions and dates that you want.

Our first weekend together followed on neatly from the awkwardness of the Tottenham court road reconciliation. Saturday night we uncharacteristically stayed in… and for the first time ever since knowing Bateman we went to bed separately: and didn’t have sex.

The next morning he commented on how ironic it was, and seemed distant. My mind whirred, ‘It’s got to be the other woman, the one who’s visiting him… soon’ I probed him on the subject but he gave nothing away:

“I don’t mind you seeing her to shut the door..” I gestured.

“If I do, or if I don’t, I’m not going to tell you about it, unless there’s something to tell of course. I met her years ago, but feel it’s unresolved,” he (typically flatly) responded.

I left his house early for work that day, keen to avoid his prickly, aloof attitude. ‘I don’t want to be a sitting duck,’ I reasoned, and inwardly resolved to keep my options somewhat open until I could be certain that he really cared about me… and he wasn’t about to do another 180 on me.

I met my clients in a flat off Piccadilly, and was a little surprised to see that the Promoter was also due to work with them that day too.

“Can you demonstrate some kino to us?” the (nineteen-year-old) clients questioned us.

The Promoter and I exchanged wry smiles. He stroked my hands, and showed them how to pull a woman towards you for a kiss. Months of unchartered sexual tension simmered between us: soon the demonstration tippled over into reality.

“Right guys, I can tell you’re losing your focus, so take ten, get some fresh air and we’ll speak to you in a bit,” the Promoter commanded. The clients obediently left the flat we were teaching from to take a breather. He turned to me, “Hayley, I’m just not happy. Sex with my girl just isn’t all that, and I know you’re like me. You’re just filthy.”

He grasped my wrists and pulled me in to kiss him. I pulled him closer, grabbing the collar of his shirt,  he began biting my neck, caressing my clavicle adoringly. I was on the edge of restraint, of cheating. A few tortured minutes later we heard the door to the flat open, and we sprang apart: guilty.

I traipsed home that evening confused. On paper Bateman and I were together but I didn’t feel like it in my heart. I had to travel the next day to Cornwall, to visit my dying Grandmother (that’s right folks it’s not all orgies and high life for me) and felt no support from him. I wished bitterly I had a partner to hold my hand when I tried to reassure her that I was fine, someone to confront the unpleasantness and poverty with me. Someone to deflect the awkward questions I faced about my ‘significant other’.

“There’s really no-one mum. Sorry to disappoint you but I’ve never been further away from getting married in my life,” I said defiantly, but inwardly sighed.

I met old friends that were newly engaged, heavily pregnant, or whose boyfriend simply texted them to say goodnight; and, for all my success, I felt so lonely. I wanted the security of someone to take care of me.  Bateman said it was probably a good idea if I didn’t call him that night even; allegedly he was at a ‘gig’ but in my mind I felt convinced he was seeing ‘her’ whoever this mysterious figure from his past was.

Luckily for my (fledgling) ego he wasn’t the only one with a her from the past.

The next night back in the comforting cosmopolitan buzz of London I was at a quiet dinner with my friend PJ when I got the first text in months from the Bi-Babe dancer. The smoking hot, twenty year old, who I bedded the night before I met Bateman. She had seen an interview with me in a trashy magazine and I got my first taste literally of the power of fame:

Well done babe u look bomb. Maybe we should celebrate us over some drinks? X

Just like months beforehand I couldn’t say no. Soon PJ and I had joined the bi-babe at a bar in Soho. She looked amazing. Her body even more honed than before; abs peering out from above her skirt and below her deliciously full breasts.

“Mmm you smell so good!” She squealed grabbing my hand and intertwining it with hers in her crotch, “I know this is so bad, but I just want to kiss you.”

We kissed, “Your lips are so soft,” She murmured.

“As are yours,” I replied, narrowly not intoxicated enough in the moment to text Bateman with a clear mandate to get to Soho as soon as possible, “Maybe if you could speak to my boyfriend, he’ll come quickly and take us to a strip club,” I suggested, and let the Bi-Babe leave a sexy voicemail for Bateman. With little regard for the sanctity of our newly formed relationship, I couldn’t get the dream team combination of a threesome with the bi-babe and Bateman out of my mind.

Soon the news was in: Bateman had already gone to bed and couldn’t make it.

Clutching onto my will power by a thread I tore myself away and arranged to see the Bi-Babe, with Bateman, in two night’s time.

Back at my flat I was shaking with desire, I wanted my girl again.

I rang Bateman up and we talked dirty for hours.

“I can’t wait to fuck the bi-babe in front of you. You can lick my balls and watch as I push my cock into her tight, wet pussy. In fact I might not even let you watch, maybe we’ll keep you outside of the room as the bi-babe and I just enjoy each other.”

My hands stopped on my vibrator. Was Bateman playing up to my masochism or was he serious? I could never tell. I hung up on the phone and sent a clear message:

I’m not sure if you were kidding then or not. But if I think you’re using me for the girls I can get. It’s over. In fact, it’s never been a better time for it to be over, now my girl is back in town…