Being Present: The Key to Natural Game
Great, natural, game doesn’t run to a script. As much as we’d like to think you can plan the A-Z of an interaction; we know it’s actually about developing the skills that mean you can build genuine connections.
So it’s time to get ‘out of your head’ and away from all that theorising; instead let’s work on the skills that will make you more present, more real, and way more successful in interactions.
1. Actively Listen:
So what if you’ve memorised the best anecdote of all time to show off how cool your life is; if it’s irrelevant to the person you’re speaking to, and where your conversation is currently at, then you’re likely to bore them… and appear moderately egotistical. Telling anecdotes that convey how cool you are is fine, just weave it into the conversation somehow:
Oh really? That reminds me of when I….
Listen out for what they’re really interested in speaking about by using the key words she uses to create the next topic out of. For instance if they said:
I’m from Germany but I love England
You could talk about your thoughts about Germany, them being an Anglophile, cultural differences, or the experience of feeling at home somewhere.
2. Respond to how she says things
Only part of how we communicate is through the words we say, the rest of how a person is feeling is communicated through their body language, tone and pitch of voice. So say you start nattering to a girl about fashion (a topic all girls love right?) and she noticeably shortens her answers to you, and her voice seems terser, it’s time to guess that she isn’t that interested in what you’re chatting about. So it’s time to change topic. Likewise if you stumble across a topic you think would bore her (football, work, etc) and her eyes light up, then you can throw the rule book out of the window, and chat to her about this as you’ve obviously struck on a passion of hers.
3. Notice how they respond to you
Say you have this cocky funny one liner and it always cracks girls up. So you walk up to a girl in a bar and use it as your opener. Unlike all the other girls so far she stares at you blankly, and pulls a frowning expression. Do you jab her in the ribs, with a wink, and say ‘geddit?!’ or do you assume with this one girl this line just isn’t going to fly and be honest about what’s just occurred in the interaction:
Ok, so I have to admit, that joke is my favourite chat-up line. Judging by your frown though we have totally different senses of humour. That’s cool though, I’ll forgive you, as I’m still curious to know if we’ve got anything in common. So let’s start over ok?
By ‘calling out’ what’s non-verbally gone down in the interaction you’ll appear uber socially savvy and confident. At the end of these days it’s these skills, not lines, that make people feel connected to you.
So stuff learning lines, routines, and rules for dating. Great dating and seduction isn’t found from the words on a page; but rather in your ability to connect with people in the moment.
You can’t afford to over generalise people: people react best when you tailor how you relate to them as individuals.
3 Comments to “Being Present: The Key to Natural Game”
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James says:
I like this post.
Never really called out the non-verbal stuff, unless it was something like, “Why are you looking at me that way?”, “Why do you keep looking over?” or “I saw you looking frequently at me” something along that.. I’m gonna remember this calling out thing and make some fun vibes with it
Usually when the girl doesn’t get it or doesn’t seem interested I will just walk away (I also think women quickly put a person in a box by the way he presents himself and if a woman doesn’t react in an interested way, it usually takes a lot of work) but I’ve always been more of a non-verbal person in my expression and in my observations. The way the movie “Drive” with Ryan, is interesting to me.
Hayley Quinn says:
Hey James
Glad you liked the post. Always try to make a statement out of your verbalisation though. Instead of ‘why do you keep looking at me that way?’ try ‘I love how you keep giving me this really quizzical look, like you’re totally uncertain of me. It’s cute.’
Good luck x
James says:
Even though I’m light-hearted most of the time when I ask a question like that, I see what you are saying.. it takes the pressure off!
I let her know what I think and when I think about it.. women have told me before how wonderful it is to not having to try to guess what I am thinking, for example when I were in bed with one and just said what popped up in my head…
hey.. cool tip!
- James